40

My life has become a blur. I lose track of days and I often find myself questioning what I did the past week. Or even day. Time is going by too fast and running out. I just feel like I can't grasp anything lately. It's such a weird feeling, and I dont like it. I wish that life wasn't so difficult sometimes. And that money didn't make the world go 'round. I like to think it doesn't, and I tend to think that love should make the world go 'round. but it's so difficult to believe this when you're working two jobs, trying to make end's meat to afford an apartment, a car payment, a cell phone bill, and food here and there to survive. 

I want to live off of love. I'm so sick of being so dependent upon money. It's rather depressing. And I hate that the world is like this.     

But I've been one to say that if you dont like something about your life, then change it. And I definitely know that it's easier said than done. But I honestly believe that's how it has to be. No one can change your life, but you. And I'm not saying that I have a bad life, whatsoever. I'm just saying that there are a few things that could use a little revamp. Such as my job. One of the two are horrible and I've been saying this for months. 

So why don't I do something about it? Because it pays well. It makes the world go 'round. It allows me to pay my stupid bills, and have a good time every once in a while. 

But isn't it better to be happy and poor than 'rich' and unhappy? I'd like to think so. What I would like even more is to think there could be a happy medium to both of these. That's what I'm searching for. Being happy and stable in my financial situation. 
I do not see myself remaining at this hotel for the rest of my life(thank god). I honestly don't see myself being here by the end of the year...and I honestly believe that when I leave this job, I'll be loads happier. 

3rd shift jobs mess with your mind and state of being. I've done this particular 3rd shift job for about a year and a half. Wow. I think it's bringing me down, and I don't like that at all....

So, what am I going to do about it?

Change it. ASAP. Promise.