Part 2

I haven't wrote anything...blog, journal entry, notes, anything...in a really really long time. It's sad.

I've been sad. Let me explain...

Ever feel like you're missing something in your life? Like a really big thing in your life? Well i was feeling that. And as you know from my previous posts, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy. And he and I were great together. We didn't really fight and we got a long really well. I dont think we should have moved in as soon as we did, but that was my fault because it was my offer to him. But i look back now and know that that wasnt the best decision ive ever made. but in all reality, everything happens for a reason. 

Im a firm believer of that. I believe i was sad because i was missing something in my life. what i'm missing, i have no idea. but i'll find it some day. probably. and well, if i dont, then i don't. things were getting to the point that i was becoming that bitchy girlfriend. constantly nitpicking at everything. ugh, i started to hate myself because of it. i didnt like coming home and being mad or sad about something dumb. i started to doubt myself. every time he was on his phone i felt like i had to know who he was talking to. was it that caitlin chick whose kinda ultra weird? idk, just dumb things like that. i even made him delete her from facebook and from his phone. i see that they're friends again on fb and probably talk now that he and i broke up. but..good. maybe she's better for him than me? i mean i knew that he loved me and that he was faithful, but sometimes the i love you's didnt feel 'right' to me. like they weren't whole hearted. ugh, anyway. im rambling. everything happens for a reason. 


i meet new people every day. some are good, some are bad, some stay and some leave. im glad i met him. im glad he stayed as long as i let him. i have no hard feelings towards him, and wish him the best of luck. im glad i felt the way i did and im glad i told him and things happened the way they did. i cant predict the future, but i couldnt see our futures heading in the same direction anymore. it just wasnt there. 

So im not going to sit here and bash him or say bad things about him. because I dont have any bad things to say about him...i just feel like i had to put myself first for once. I never put myself before others. ever. it's an awful fault of mine, and it gets me in trouble more often than not. im a firm believer that you have to make yourself happy first. so instead of being a hypocrite, maybe ill take my own beliefs and make them happen?

anyway. i guess that's about all. time to start a new part of my life and see where it leads.