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Today is a bold text day. I'm so frustrated. It's difficult to write. 

Okay, like seriously. 

We dated for over a year, you told me you loved me and whatever. Things were serious. I break up with you and you act like it doesnt matter and you dont care. Im kind unsure how to feel about this. 

Yes, I'm extremely glad that the break up went really well. Don't get me wrong, and I may sound hypocritical when I write this, but. It was like he didn't even care. There were no real emotions. 

He didn't chase after me. He didn't stand outside of my window with his radio blaring 'our' song trying to win me back. He didn't sob to his friends about how he couldn't live without me.

Nope. Instead he sat down and split all the bills with me, and took a girl out on a date.

Well, I guess that means I'm in the clear to date. If we're only waiting a week and a half after a year + relationship then so be it. Fine. I won't tip toe over emotions or walk on egg shells anymore.

Yeah, those are selfish thoughts of me to think. But I didn't even feel like I mattered after the break up. Like I was just another girl to him, and he wasnt even upset about it. And the hypocritical part of this blog is, I guess that's what I was hoping for. But at the same time, it wasn't. 

I confuse myself sometimes. 
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad that it ended. Now that I look back at it and think about it, he should have tried to make me stay. He should have tried harder to make me happy. I deserve someone who will do that for me. Because I DO THAT. I chase after someone when I care for them, I give them all the happiness in my ability. 

Why do I date people that I feel like I have to help? Why can't I just help myself first? It's harder than it sounds.

And I can't stop listening to this Ellie Goulding song called Every Time You Go. It describes my emotions to a T. It explains the relationship perfectly. 

Tape me up, then break me up. Ever so gently, when I'm at my weakest. 
It's not so hard...every time you go.

Okay, well now that I got that all out. I feel a bijillion times better.