six-one

So. Here I sit at work, drinking a red bull. And I'm in a shitty mood. Ever have those days where you're just crabby? Well this is one of those days for.

I'm crabby about everything. Ugh. It's frustrating. I overdrafted in my bank account. Again. Which really shouldnt put me in a bad mood since I overdraft about every other month...maybe more...but it makes me mad. And I'm pissed that the fucking plow trucks had to be outside of my bedroom window at fucking 6am making tons and tons of noise. And yeah, I know that that's their job and what not. But seriously. It makes me tired.

I'm crabby that some people just cant let things go. And trust me, I'm guilty of holding grudges and not getting over things and whatever. But still, I can and will be crabby about it.

I'm crabby that I feel like I can't write about whatever I want to because I have to be afraid that I might offend someone or start some sort of drama. That's bullshit. Ugh. I should be able to write whatever the hell I want to. But yet, I wont.

I'm crabby because I won't make fucking bonus at my job becuase they make reaching those goals pretty much impossible. Fuck that. Grrr. I would love to make a 300 dollar bonus. Please. And it makes me mad that people can cheat the system and get look good while they do it. But I'm too scared to cheat the system and get ahead like them, because I'm afraid of getting caught. Is it so bad that I want to get ahead the old fashioned way and not by cheating?

I'm crabby because winter sucks. Snow is nice for christmas, yes. And I know that I live in Wiscosin, yes. But not by choice. If I could leave and move somewhere else right now, I totally would. I'd be gone in a heartbeat. I'd do something for myself for once.

And that's another reason I'm crabby. I feel like a I give and give and give and give and well you get the point and then that's it. I give to everyone. EVERY ONE. And no appreciation in return. I know that we're supposed to give and do things for others out of the kindness in our heart and blah blah blah. But in reality, don't we give to each other because we want to feel appreciated or be rewarded. And maybe that's a reason why we've become such a selfish society. But still. Every once in a while it would be nice to feel appreciated. That's all. Instead of feeling like shit.

I need something new in my life. A hobby or something. Anything. I'm gettting bored with myself. I feel like work is taking over my life and I have no time for anything else. And it's a shitty feeling.

It's a shitty day.