Chapter Fifty-nine

So I would like to think that I dont have too many issues in my life. And for the most part that seems to be true. But recently a rather major issue has arose in my life. It's one that I'm not quite sure how to handle. So instead of going over everything in my head, I thought that I would blog about it so I can really get all of words out and not forget anything.
I haven't written a blog, because I haven't had anything dramatic/bad go on in my life, and I think that's the wrong reason to blog. So I shall be changing that. But for the meantime, I'm writing this blog not because anything good has happened. 


So where to begin? I guess where I see fit.


I had amazing friends. The kind I would stay up all night for, go to bars that I didnt want to go to for, give the shirt off of my back for, give my last everything to for. Basically I would do anything for my friends. Like my best friends. They were basically my sisters. We would have the absolute best times ever, and whenever I needed advice or someone to go to, they were there. And vice versa. I was always, 110%, there for them. To give advice to, listen to what was going on in their life, anything and everything. Best friends. 


I dont know if this is how everyone feels or how everyone sees it, but best friends are there until the end. Right? Want to know how I think you know you have an absolute best best friend? You don't talk shit about them. You say what's on your mind, to their face. You discuss what's bothering you directly. And you don't keep secrets from them. Because what's the point of being able to say you're their best friend and what's the point of saying you would do anything for them, if they're not going to return the feelings? I think that if you're going to have feelings for something, anything, that you have to go all out with those feelings. All out. And that's what I do. 


So I meet a boy. A genuinely nice boy that treats me with respects and sees me for more than just a piece of ass. Someone who I can confide in and trust. Someone whose only concern is about making sure that I'm happy and that I have everything I want. Someone I can be an exact equal with. Someone who cares about my feelings and wants nothing but happiness for me. Someone unlike anyone else I've ever met. Sure he's not like the 'typical guy' I would have dated, but that's what I love about him. Because the 'typical guy' I would have dated, would have had sex with me by now and said see ya later. Too scared for any kind of commitment or responsibility in their life. Too scared to have anything serious or anything that might actually define their life. Too scared to share REAL fucking emotions. Yeah trust me, I've met plenty of boys in my life. And I've been FUCKED over by plenty of those boys in my life. And each time this happened, who would I turn to for comfort and advice? Who would I trust to give me direction? My friends of course, because who eles would I rather turn to? No one. 


So while I was meeting plenty of guys, guess who else was? My friends. They've met plenty of boy themselves, this is true. And you want to know what else? I was always there for them when they needed advice and comfort. Or when they thought that they were really being liked by some boy, but in all reality they were only getting fucked over. Or when they had a pregnancy scare, or when they couldnt tell their parents, or when none of their other friends like that boy, or when they didnt know what to do, or when they just needed a shoulder to cry on, or when they wanted to me to go out to the bar with them so they could flirt and hang out with a new boy they had interest in, or when ANYTHING. You get the point. I was there through it all, and still am. I never once judged my friends for their dating choices. I may have told them that this boy or that boy only wanted them for their sex, or was being a played or whatever. I only gave them truthful advice based off of actual experiences. 
I only tried to help. Because that's all I've ever tried to do. 


But in the end, it didn't matter. Because who they chose to see, have sex with, or fall in love with, was their choice. They were the ones who had to date them, not me. Their life. I was only their to support them. 


Upon meeting this boy. I fell in love with this boy. And upon falling in actual true blue love with this boy, I became genuinely happy. Unlike anything else I've ever felt with any other boy. And I had hoped that my friends would have been there to support me when I finally met someone who wasn't a complete douche bag. 
And like every other boy, him and I had issues. And like I would have done before, I went to my friends for advice. But this boy and myself, worked things out. And now things couldnt be better. 


So this boy and I lived with one of, what used to be, my good friends. She's right I didn't really give her a choice with him living there and pretty much forced it upon her. Which on my part was shitty, and I will definitely admit that. But she was never there in the first place. Even when everyone in the house got along. And every time she did want to hang out with me, it was either let's go to a bar or let's hang out for like an hour before she left for her boyfriend's house. She had made new friends and had different things going on in her life. Which I understood. To me, it felt like our friendship was fading and it wasn't just because I had met a boy, but she had to. In fact I remember a about a year or more previous to this current situation she had met a different boy that she was happy with and all that jazz, she moved in with him etc. And I also remember talking to her about 3 times and hanging out with her once. In roughly a year or a little more. But being the good friend that I was, I supported her choices and was there for her when she needed me. Which was seldom, but still. I was there. Anyway. She's moved out. Things went south. Which makes me sad, yes. She said I've chosen my boyfriend over her. But in all reality should one have to choose between their sig others and their friends? 
No. I would never put that stress on another person. And trust me, their have been plenty of fucking times when my other so called friends have chose a boy or a different friend over me. Did I get all emotional and upset about it and tell them they have to choose because there can only be one correct answer? No. I did not. I was a big girl and got over the fact that everything happens for a reason, and they wanted to choose a boy or other friend over me, then fine. Whatever, life goes on. And when my friend was kicked to the curb or ditched, I was STILL fucking there. And even though that may make me pretty pathetic, I WAS THERE. 


So my other 'true' friends, apparently don't like my boyfriend either. And apparently I'm the last to know. But apparently it's okay for them to all talk about it behind my back. And apparently I cannot be happy with a boy without supposedly ditching my friends. And apparently I've chose him over them. Which is not the case at all. I continuously ask to hang or do something, anything, with you. You always have an excuse. YOU always choose someone else over me. My boyfriend, the one that my friends dont like, has done nothing but try to kiss all of your asses. Because I wanted you to like him so bad. But I've come to learn that it's not my problem that you don't like him. And it's not my problem that you can't accept the fact that I'm happy. And it's not my problem if I'm the only one making an effort to make our friendships work. 


I love my friends. I don't love the fact that my friends aren't true friends anymore. My feelings are hurt, and that's all I have to say. Everything happens for a reason, and I still live by that.