Forty 6

Ahhh hem.

So sometimes when I'm at work, just sitting...well standing around, bored out of my mind. I like to ponder life and really analyze my own. In general I try not to think about life too often, because I think it can make a person go crazy...and it just causes too much stress.

Stress is a horrible thing most of the time. I mean don't get me wrong, stress, in certain situations can be a good thing. Cause motivation and whatnot, but for the most part, it's not a good thing. I tend to over analyze things which causes me more stress than I'd like to have in my life. But that's life, and life is hard. So I'll deal with it one day at a time. 

Back to what I was getting at I guess. I analyze life when I'm bored at work. 

I think about what I'm going to be doing in ten years and where I'll be at in my life. Will I be starting a family? Will I be married? Have a house? A cat? A car? A life? Who knows. 

I can remember about 2 years ago or so, I didn't really want any of these things. Well, I didn't want a family, I didn't want a house, and I sure as hell didn't want to be married. I swore up and down that I never wanted kids. Honestly. My justification was that there are so many kids in the world already that don't have homes, that I didn't want to bring anymore into this world...and if I did decide on having kids, then I would adopt. My thoughts had sensible reason. And the not getting married thing? Well to be honest, I was just screwed over so many times, that I guess it didn't seem logical to put myself on the line like that. How could I, Lacey Mae Harris, trust one person with my heart, for the rest of my life? I've seen so many marriages fall apart. Spouses cheat on eachother or they simply fall out of love with one another. Ugh, that wasn't something that I wanted in my life....

But now, at 22 years young, I could see myself doing all of these things and so much more. Isn't it amazing how one day you'll wake up, and have a complete different outlook on life? That's happened to me several times, and each outlook just keeps getting better with time. I know that in 10 years time, or less, I would like a family. I want to be married and I DO want to have kids. I think I would still like to adopt as well. Because I do still have that same thought about there being too many kids without homes in the world. And if I can help at least one by sharing my home and my heart, then, hell yeah. I want to do that. Why not?

And as for the marriage thing. Yes, I've seen many relationships fall apart. But that's because those people, were...well kind of...I'm searching for a nice word here. Well I guess immature, and maybe not confident enough with themselves to give away their heart to someone else. I truly believe that you have to be confident and love yourself before you can fully give away your heart to someone else. I dont know, it just makes sense to me. So yeah, I could and want to do this marriage thing someday.

Hmmm, well I suppose. Those are my thoughts and my analysis of my life tonight....for now. Oh, and I'd like a cat too.  =]