chapter 7

So now the tables have turned, and i'm the one getting my heart broken.

If i do say so myself, which i am, i hate it.

I try not to break hearts or anything of the sort, when i date someone and it doesnt work out for the best. Honestly. I hate making someone else feel bad, sad, or anything negative.

I only want to bring happiness to people. But when things don't work out, well there's never an easy way to break up with someone.

But today, my heart is down in the dumps. I try not to dwell on things, so the faster he moves away, the faster i'll be able to get over it.

I almost never want to talk to him again, but know that that's not the right thing to do.

My life is like a soap opera.
And I hate it...not my life, but the soap opera part.

But i'll live. And learn. And eventually move on. I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be, then it will be.

It's just not meant to be, right now.

Lesson learned.

chapter 6

I've learned that you cannot help everyone.

Some people do not want to change. They like being miserable, and no matter how hard you try to change them, and help them out...

...they just don't want it. They like feeling like shit. Nothing you say or do will change this.

I can't help you anymore. I've tried. You're just not having it. And me staying with you, would only bring me down. I don't like being depressed or sad.

I like sunshine and happy days. You don't.

You're surrounded with hate and animosity.

Sooooo not cool. Sooooo not for me.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.


So, I'm over it. I'm sorry that you like feeling like shit, and love throwing little pity parties for yourself. I wish you the best of luck, and unfortunately I can't help you make yourself better.

You have to want it yourself.

And I hope you do.

chapter 5

Okay so...

I break up with a boy to figure myself out and he blames his whatever-ness on me....seriously.

get over it. Im sorry that I wasn't the one you're supposed to marry. I'm not your 'one'

BUT this gives you no right to be a jerk to me. None whatsoever.

Idk.

Anyway....

I'm so frustrated i cant even write.

Chapter 4

I like attention.

I realized this today. I mean not in a bad way. I just like it.

I'm sure that a lot of people like attention, and that's why they do the things that they do. It seems logical.

I don't necessarily go out of my way to get it though. So i suppose im not too far gone, or horrible.

Just a random fact about me. =]

chapter three

I realize now that i will never ever understand the opposite sex. they will always being foreign to me. they will always make me feel like shit and rarely feel good. this is a sad truth that i've come to realize...i've also come to realize that there is nothing i can do about it.

and maybe i dont want to do anything about it anyway. who came up with this idea that i need a boy in my life to be happy. honestly! who put this idea into my head? because it's driving me up a fucking wall.

i dont want to think about boys allll the time. and i've come to realize that, well i guess i honestly haven't come to realize much of anything. i know friends are all that should really matter in life but...

it's so hard when a guy is telling you how cool you are and how much he likes you one minute and then the next he really doesnt have any feelings for you at all. what the hell? did i miss something? you CANT just tell me how awesome i am and i'm the coolest chick you've ever met and then a day later have completely different feelings for me.

that's what you get when you let your heart win. you get to be some stupid girl, who comes off as being desperate.

why should i be faced with such stupid things. i know it'll just make me stronger and whatnot. whatever. i'm strong enough. i want to be through with stupid crap. want to be done with it! i've built up so many walls around me, that i dont know when to put them down and when im supposed to keep them up. it just doesnt make sense to me....oh well.

chapter two

Why do i feel so irritated with almost everything lately?

Boys.
Girls.
Works.
life.
Money.
love.
EVERYTHING.

I'm normally a happy go lucky kind of chick, but.

Okay. enough rambling.

i've come to learn...that you can't

be friends with your exes
keep feelings bottled up
get everything you want
do anything you want
live life without being honest to yourself
think guys 'get the hint'
be shy
be completely honest with everyone
let the little things bother you
be like everyone else


why does life have to be so complicated.