26!

So at this point, I would be thinking that I should start to have some stuff figured out. I mean at least some things. But I keep questioning myself, and in turn, accomplish nothing.



Ugh.



I just dont' understand. I'm going to rant for a paragraph and most of it isn't going to make sense to anyone else who reads it, but to me it will...



I just dont understand. I want it to be better for you and i think i know how it's possible to achieve that and yet you dont take advantage of it. I mean its your choice and I cant do anything about it. But honestly. Ugh. Grrr. It makes me so frustrated. And this is how i feel it's going to be. im just going to be there for you when you need me and thats it. and of course i will be. because that's what friends do. they're there for eachother. but what if i want to be more than just there for you. what if i want to be always there. and i know now that that's not what you could ever want because you're stuck on something that's not good for you. if it's, if she's, so good for you, then why does she cause you so much pain and confusion. Love isn't confusing. love is kind and caring and just there. it's so simple. but i guess it's not for you. i mean, you're not the only one with problems, with issues and stuff going on in their life. shit happens. It kills me to know that you stick around and put up with something like that.



you dont have to.



But whatever.

So im just going to have to let go. I dont know whether its healthy or not, how easily I can break a connection with a boy. I mean, how easily I can start to get over someone? I guess that just proves how uncertain life can be? I have no idea. I just know that I can't wait around. I've learned that lesson before...I waited and waited and then he moved a thousand miles away, wanting nothing more from me than friendship.

So I can't let it be like this again. And I won't. I won't put myself in that situation anymore, and I wont put myself on the line like that again. Moving on. Okay.

Chapter 25

Aren't the chances and choices we make in life, what make up the person we are today?

Yes.

And we should take these chances and make these choices, because if we don't then nothing is going to happen. We're going to come to a stand still in life. And far too often I think people complain that their life is too boring and blah blah. I think they're complaining because they're not taking these chances and making these indefinite choices.

You cant and shouldn't sit by and watch your life go by. You should be a part of it. I've decided to be a part of my life. And the choices I make may not be the right ones, but at least I'm making them.

Quitting my temporary second job may not be a good choice, and hell I kind of know that it's not, but I would rather be poor, than unhappy. Any day. And at the moment, I am poor and at the moment, I am happy.

Karma has a funny way of working and I totally believe that it does work. What goes around comes around. Which may not always be a pleasant thing, but it's a true thing.

So love one another and take chances and make choices.

24

I don't want to sound super lame when I write this, and that may be how it comes out, but oh well right?

Right.

So, after watching New Moon 4 times, yes 4, there was a line in that movie that really stuck with me.

'Learn to love what's good for you'

Now this can be taken multiple ways...but here's the way I'd like to interpert it...

Say you have immense feelings for someone, we'll call him Edward =]
And Edward decides he doesnt want you anymore and moves far away. Leaving you heart broken and confused.

You feel like you've lost all hope and nothing can go right.
BUT then comes along this awesome indivual, we'll call him Jacob =]

And Jacob makes the pain go away and makes you sane.
Of course you could never love Jacob as much as you love Edward. But why not give him a chance?

After all, Edward left you alone and obviously didn't care as much as he said he did.
That's the impression I'm getting at least. So I think this Jacob character deserves a chance.

If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad for you. Right?


Let's hope I get Jacob to come into my life now. Pppplease???? =]

Chapter 23!

So, who knows where I'm going to be in 10 years.

I have no idea...but if i could guess, and if I could have things my way. Here's how they would go:

I would 32(ew) and happily in love. Truly, madly, and deeply in love.
I may have a kid or two. Maybe not.
I would have a steady job that I love. And maybe going back to school for another job.
I would live in a house and would be happy where I'm at.
Happiness would probably not be in Wisco.


I mean something along those lines. I dont want to set anything stone. Because that makes life predictable. And I like the unpredictable part of life. It makes me happy.

I love randomness and happiness and peace-ness, and everything-ness. =]

New tattoo: to go with my star tattoo on my wrist. Love is my weapon.

Yes.

.Peace.<3.happiness.